When You’re Not Sure What’s Next: "In Between" Times

“The opposite of patience is aggression—the desire to jump and move, to push against our lives, to try to fill up space.”  ― Pema Chödrön, The Pocket Pema Chodron
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"Uncertainty is a great blessing, if you can flow with it. If you're stuck on your determination… on your outcome… then uncertainty doesn't have a chance and miracles can’t happen” –Jonas Gerard (artist)

Have you ever felt like you should know what you want next, but you don’t? Maybe you don’t like where you’ve been, but don’t know yet where you want to go? Can you think of a time when you felt a great need to have the answers and they wouldn’t come?

​“In between” times happen when one identity has fallen away, but a new one hasn’t emerged. Examples of this are retirement, relationship loss, and sickness. But it also happens when you no longer feel a good fit with what you have been doing or who you have been, and don’t yet know where you want to go.

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 The gap between where you’ve been, and where you’re going is incredibly uncomfortable and often quite scary because you’re leaving your old comfort zone behind and don’t yet have new ground to stand on, new answers, or new identities. It’s common to want to choose something fast, make a plan, take action. Plans and action helps us feel like we’re on solid ground, they help us feel safe.
 
But don’t be fooled, the “In between times” are full of possibility, they are rich and they are worth spending some time in. Imagine a caterpillar hanging in its cocoon: a time of great internal transformation happens before it emerges as a butterfly. When you are “in between”, you no longer have the option of what you used to be doing or who you used to be (i.e. employed, in love, knowing what’s next), but you're also not limited by those things either. If you can acknowledge that the old is gone, “in between” times can be a time of great change and self-discovery.

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When clarity doesn’t come right away, being willing to sit in the discomfort you feel and cultivating patience and kindness for yourself is important. I know, you want practical things to do as well. So here’s a list:

• Acknowledge the uncertainty and discomfort. Be kind and patient with yourself.
• Seek out information and try things on without needing to find “the answer”. Instead, approach new possibilities with curiosity to see how they feel.
• Keep checking in with yourself. Ask yourself questions like “What do I need now?”, “What do I want now?”, “What’s the next step?”, and patiently wait to see what answers come from inside.
• Get support from someone you trust to help you reflect and prevent you from jumping prematurely into something.

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Building these skills can help you gain the strength you need until answers come. If you are in an “in between” time and would like some support, simply hit reply to set up a free consultation. I love helping people find what they need.

​Have a great October,   Jen

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