How do you cope with change? Is this image familiar? Do you happen to be a white knuckler - someone who holds tight and pushes through things that are difficult? Or are you perhaps a procrastinator or avoider – to the point that you successfully avoid doing things that are important to you?
In a previous post, I talk about how stepping out of your comfort zone is necessary to create change… But man, is it uncomfortable!
There is a middle ground between white knuckling it and not doing it at all. Why not introduce some comfort while you step out of your comfort zone? It’s a much kinder and compassionate way of treating yourself.
Here are some of my favorite ways to create comfort while seeking to do the uncomfortable:
1) Take smaller steps. If something is way too uncomfortable, I like to break it down into smaller chunks or actions, which feel more doable. It might take longer to get where I want to go, but on the flip side, I tend to be happier when I get there.
2) Pay attention to your body. When I get into the “land of scary action”, I have a tendency to want to push – to work really hard. There’s nothing wrong with working hard, as long as I am also giving my body what it needs for wellness. So I make a point of NOT ignoring my hunger or my tiredness. I make sure I get exercise – even if I don’t feel like it. My body and mind both thank me in the long run for this.
3) Practice self-compassion. How kind are you to yourself? Beating ourselves up actually makes us feel bad and stressed out. I know for me that being hard on myself only makes me push harder – but I am not happy and definitely not as productive or resourceful. Here’s a great short video by Kristin Neff on how to practice self-compassion.
It’s possible to travel into scary, uncomfortable territory AND be kind to ourselves and make progress towards our goals. In fact, if you do this you will be more available, present, and responsive because you aren’t pushing or acting out of fear. If you would like help with this as you pursue your goals, simply click reply.
As I look forward to 2016, I find myself thinking about self-efficacy, which means your belief in your ability to do something.
It’s different than self-esteem, which means how good you feel about yourself. But they’re related… As you increase your self-efficacy, you tend to feel better about yourself.
So, in celebration of self-efficacy - of all the things you have tried that were scary, even on the SMALLEST of levels, I offer you this wonderful list of quotes compiled by Jeff Haden. I have put my favorites below. To see the entire list, click here.
1. "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." Vincent Van Gogh
2. "Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." e.e. cummings
3. "Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they're yours." Richard Bach
4. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?" Marianne Williamson
5. "Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love." Brene Brown
6. "Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don't let these feelings stop them." T. Harv Eker
7. "It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." Sir Edmund Hillary
8. "When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around." Willie Nelson
9. "If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think." T. Harv Eker
10. "To anyone that ever told you you're no good ... They're no better." Hayley Williams
11. "Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth." Rumi
Happy New Year!!
Tips and resources to help you on your path.
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