How do you cope with change? Is this image familiar? Do you happen to be a white knuckler - someone who holds tight and pushes through things that are difficult? Or are you perhaps a procrastinator or avoider – to the point that you successfully avoid doing things that are important to you?
 
In a previous post, I talk about how stepping out of your comfort zone is necessary to create change… But man, is it uncomfortable! 

​7.     "It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." Sir Edmund Hillary
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8.     "When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around." Willie Nelson

9.     "If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think." T. Harv Eker

10.  "To anyone that ever told you you're no good ... They're no better." Hayley Williams

11.  "Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth." Rumi
Happy New Year!!

​Jen

1) Not being sure we want to change 
2) Wanting to change but having no plan
3) Creating a plan but not yet taking action
4) Taking action but it’s not yet a habit
5) The action becomes a part of our lives and requires less effort 
6) (We may relapse to an old behavior occasionally and need to figure out what happened)


The quickest way to sabotage change in your life is to make yourself get into action when you aren’t ready. This is where ‘Just Do It’ becomes your UNDOING. So let’s say you want to be on your phone less because it adds to your stress and you would like to relax in the evenings. Well, if you’re not able to do it right off the bat, it’s easy to get down on yourself.  “Man, what’s wrong with me? Just stay off the phone, what’s so hard?” And then what happens is we make ourselves feel WORSE and we still don’t change. 

Here’s another route: have some compassion for yourself and apply the stages I just talked about. Here’s what it might look like using the cell phone example.

1) Examine why you want to change: why do you want to stay off the phone and why do you want to use it in the evenings? The pros need to outweigh the cons before change is really going to stick. It can be helpful to make a list of the pros (why you want the change) and the cons (what will happen if you don’t.) You might have to get more info and do some thinking before the pros are big enough to make change worthwhile.

It is well known that what you put your attention on grows. If you focus on gratitude, you become happier; if you focus on a personal wrong, you increase your own suffering and become angrier. So the focus of your thoughts impacts your choices from moment to moment. 

I am not advocating for residing in “a happy place” and denying difficult emotions. All of our emotions have a place and function. Conflicts do need to be faced and resolved. ​

Below is the secret of what success REALLY looks like. Most folks think it should be a straight and sure shot, like the left box. But In reality, it’s much messier, with twists and backtracks and right angles. ​

But if you are willing to put your glasses on and summon some courage to find out what it is – what it looks like, feels like, how tall it is… Well the fear starts to recede and you arm yourself with powerful data about how to get past it: how to work with your fear, doubt, and resistance. You might even have fun along the way, learning to solve the problem.

The obstacle in the path is a powerful and helpful metaphor. Next time you get stuck, try to see yourself on a trail and figure out which obstacle this is: a drove of hornets, a dead-end trail, a lightening strike? (Doubt in your ability, a failed attempt, fear of success?) Then you can summon your resources, call on help, and strategize, so you can keep going – with more confidence than you had before.

What are your obstacles on the path? Leave a comment below and start a conversation! 

Best,
Jen ​